Saturday, October 14, 2023
I love hearing stories about how mom was before she had Missy and I. she was fun, outgoing, bubbly and sane. And so beautiful. dad would whistle at her and couldn’t keep his hands off her and he had the scars to prove it. Hot burn right Kay! Mom loved my father. I watched their marriage strengthen through the years which some people looked at those hard times in regret but I saw a beautiful blessing that brought our family even closer. Do you know the story about their proposal? It was Christmas and Dad had an engagement ring in a box, in a box, in a box, in a box. If there’s one thing, my mother loves more than the Yankees It’s a well taped box. (anyone who’s had to open one of her presents knows what I’m talking about). I remember one Christmas dad relived their engagement and by the time mom got to the second box, she knew what was happening and started crying. I thought it was because of the beautiful blue ring inside but dad thought she was crying because this meant that she had to deal with him for another decade . After 44 years of marriage and multiple episodes of dateline she still could not figure out a clever way to get out of it.
My earliest memories were focused around the holidays. It was so important to mom to get together with her sisters and brother and all of the cousins. Halloween and new years Eve parties at aunt Lindas and Christmas Eve at our house with cards games, music and snacks. Everyone brought a dish because you know how mom’s cooking was.
Missy and I believed in Santa probably longer than anyone I know because mom and dad made sure it was so innocent and magical for us. Mom would pick out those little extra gifts that werent on the list but she knew we would just love. She bought me a lindt milk, chocolate candy bar one year and I reminded her that I liked dark chocolate. But Every year, every holiday, she would put that milk chocolate candy bar in my stocking, my Easter basket and I’m pretty sure there’s one sitting in a Halloween bag at her house right now. She couldn’t remember why but when she saw that candy bar in the store, it made her think of me and would buy it. It always made me laugh. I know Christmas was hard for mom because that’s when her dad passed, so she wanted to make it the happiest she could by being together as a family. And maxing out dads credit cards.
SHe also tried to spend every summer vacation together as a family. First in campers at the KOA then Renting cabins in old forge. She would pick out prizes for bingo for those rainy days when she couldn’t force us to wear life jackets in knee deep water bc Mom was afraid of everything. Then she had dad buy the house in fair haven where aunt Linda had her camp. This was really hard for her, though being so far away from everybody.
I’m gonna miss her favorite dishes. She would make me her Mac n cheese whenever I was sick or sad. Mom believed that every holiday meal should have a VERY dry over-cooked meat, baked beans, squash, macaroni and cheese, coleslaw and cranberry sauce. She would slave over the stove, finish and say it didn’t turn out very good. She would sit and watch us all eat our heavily gravied dishes and make sure everyone had a mandatory side of applesauce—-it always seemed to helped you swallow, the over cooked meat. When I was in gradeschool, Mom used to save the cookies from our happy meals and bring them in for snacks for kids who didn’t have one. Some of the neighborhood kids would get dropped off on our corner hours before school probably because their parents couldn’t afford childcare. So Mom would let them in when it was cold or raining and gave them something to eat. She was a very giving, loving and nurturing person.
As a kid, She would sit with me every day and have me work on my letters and my cursive writing and math. Mom was the family babysitter too. Aunt Fran used to make all of the kids practice their writing and math. Matty and Jake should be engineers by now. I was ahead of the game when I went to school and she was always so proud of that. If it wasn’t for my mother, I never would’ve been able to finish college. And She bought me my first stethoscope, with dad‘s credit card of course, and because of her I was able to help so many people.
Mom would make lists with numbers that none of us could ever make any sense of. No matter what you did. Add, subtract, multiply or divide…. the numbers never made any sense. I don’t know if she was trying to calculate the probability of her winning the lottery. but I wouldn’t be surprised if she was actually a physics major, and secretly way smarter than all of us combined.
Mom believed in ghosts, aliens and Bigfoot. She also truly believed she was going to win the lottery. She had lots of stories! Every year I made a point to buy her something with big foot on it for Christmas and a handful of scratch off tickets. She was given the Nickname Frog by her family and her house and garden are full of frog inspired gifts from over the years.
When we were kids, if anyone was naughty they had to sit in front of the scary basement door. That was our Time out. Missy you spent a lot of time there. half of my cousins did too. Louie, you knew it well. I think that’s what’s wrong with the kids nowadays—too many finished basements. Sophie you could benefit from spending time with a door like that.
My mother is responsible for my fear of tornadoes which is a ridiculous fear to have in NY. But I don’t know if you remember when the F1 tornado hit the tops in Fulton. ??1986?? She brought missy and I down to our dark scary basement full of spiders And ghosts and had us sit under the basement stairs all alone with pots on our heads while she kept watch for the tornado upstairs! I would’ve been 4-years old then. Scarred for life. She was so obsessed with tornadoes and the weather she could’ve became a weather lady except unlike them, she was never wrong. Just ask my dad.
Mom enjoyed a warm Milwaukees best, making lists, playing lotto, maxing out credit cards, Derek Jeter, feeding the birds, and her kitties. She started with one stray cat who she spoiled to the point that both the cat and dad became diabetics at the same time. In order to get a treat, the cat was trained to give her a high five and dad was trained to hand over his check book. Mom and I are severely allergic to cats, so when she eventually took in three more, I wasn’t sure if I should be concerned that she could be high from all of the Sudafed and Vicks vapors or offended that she was trying to limit how much time I could spent with her on Sundays without an epi-pen.
Moms absolute favorite thing in the entire world are her grandkids. The same woman who forced me to sit at the kitchen table and threatened the basement door if I didn’t eat whatever she made for dinner, now offers food made to order—-always —-and with a side of applesauce AND always dessert.
Mom made the kids funny, stubborn, sassy, sensitive, very very good looking and most likely future diabetics. Because of her they think dessert should come after dinner every single day, .
They are so much like her! Good luck to any man who ends up with those girls. Mom made the home so comforting to them that they never wanted to leave. She gave all of us girls, the love of reading. Thanks to my mother, I am educated, strong, independent, nurturing, and a bad cook. She also made me artistic. We used to paint and draw together until I was in sixth grade and we were both painting flowers from a picture that she had in a magazine. She started laugh-crying, and I asked her what was wrong, and she said that my flowers were better than hers. I don’t remember her painting again but she definitely pushed me into taking art classes and building my talent.
We always had a good time when we got together. Lots of laughs. And if the Yankees were playing it was loud at the house. Dad gave us a love of football but mom gave us a love for baseball and together a love for the Syracuse Orange basketball team . She felt like she knew Derek Jeter personally and swore he was a great person. Mom was so proud to watch louie win baseball sectionals and play baseball on ESPN in college. She was such a sweet grandma But if the Yankees were playing the Red Sox, you heard words like “SHITBALL” come out of my mother’s mouth.
I know we all get busy with work, our new growing families. I have been guilty of missing weddings and showers from work obligations. Some ppl have expressed their guilt in not visiting with mom more over the last 10 years. And this is what I want to say to you:
She knew you loved her. She loves you all so much. It has never faded and it never will. She looked forward to any occasion when she could see any of you. She took so much pride in you all bc she felt that you got through tragedy together and that even if she helped make you just a little bit happier or made your lives a tiny bit easier …she felt she had a purpose and That a part of her was with you.
And so what would mom want us to do now? Well, she would like you to make a list of this so write it down: Paint a picture, do your homework, hit dingers, watch the Yankees, feed the birds, feed everyone, take everyone shopping on dad’s credit card, check the weather, get your clothes out and ready the night before, maybe buy a lotto ticket and definitely get together more as a family because hey, you never know.
Ironically, I believe mom did win the lottery after all with a family like ours.
